| |

The world is a tough place to live in. And if
you wanta live the way you wanta live--working
toward that pigslut merit badge we all covet--you
have to be ready for anything.
Part of being ready is keeping yourself and your
body as fit and flexible as possible. If
you're going to live the life of a sex-addicted slut
(and I do encourage it as a way of life) you'll want
to be around as long as possible to enjoy it all
thoroughly.
What do I suggest for taking care of yourself?
Well, some of my answers might surprise you, given
the fact that around 99% of my life is spent
totally engrossed in ruminations or salivations
about cocks, men, sex ... you get the idea.
Here are the eight steps I've come up with for
making my life fit to live:
- Friends. Nothing is more important.
If you don't have a few friends and a core
circle of guys you can confide in when times are
tough (or just shoot the shit with when times
are easy and good), then get out there and find
them. There are over 4 billion dudes on
the planet at this point. You know
there's a bunch of guys out there looking for
you, hoping to hang out and relax.
- Culture. You don't live in a vacuum,
and even a sex-hound like myself needs to know
about the world he lives in. I go to
ballgames (SF Giants at SBC Park, of course),
movies, read books, regularly check in on local
news. Write a letter to the editor of your
local paper. Get three-dimensional.
- Be generous. If you see someone
in need, help them out. It won't kill you
to give a coupla bucks to a guy on the street
who is obviously having a hard time. Trust
your instincts: someone out in the cold on the
street isn't begging for the fun of it.
Walt Whitman made a point of giving money to
every beggar he met. Try it for a day.
Just remember to look them in the eye, deal with
them like a human being, and smile. You'll
likely be surprised at the response. Or,
if you're uncomfortable giving dough to a total
stranger, donate some time to a good charity or
non-prof group. I really believe the
universe shines favorably on men who act
generously toward others.
- Treat your body right. Get a great
massage once a month. (Yeah, it's cool to
get one "with release," but make sure it's a
great serious massage nonetheless!) Try to
eat right and get some exercise. Set aside
an hour or so two, three, four times a week.
Go for a walk after dinner. If you're not quite
ready for a gym, get yourself to walk past the
gym a few times a week. When you're ready,
go on in. Or if a gym doesn't feel right,
try something else. Be creative about
engaging your body in your life (in addition to
your dick, that is!) Instead of driving to
the sex club or bathhouse, try walking.
Watch what you eat. If you think you need
to upgrade your diet to something more
body-friendly (Damon Dogg and I recently cut
back to only 2 hot dogs for lunch a week), don't
do it too abruptly; ease into a good change.
Don't make diet or exercise a punishment--for
yourself or your friends. The human organism
thrives on pleasure and rewards. Good food and
physical activity are more than healthy, they're
part of the good life. Enjoy them!
- Find a great doctor. A good doctor is
one of the best friends you'll ever have.
See him regularly. Get over the fear of
dealing with physical problems--real or
imaginary--and let your doctor take care of you.
If you need health insurance, press your
employer for it. Everyone should have
reasonably priced health care; make it a
priority for yourself and your buddies.
- Go to an STD
clinic on a regular basis.
The only thing worse than getting something like
the clap is giving it to someone. Things
like
syph,
the clap, crabs and so on are simple to take
care of. But you have to know you have
them. Nothing to be embarrassed or nervous
about--just get in to the local clinic on a
regular basis. I go every three to four
months and have always actually had a pretty
good time. The folks who work at STD
clinics usually have the best sense of humor.
When they give you a blood test, don't hesitate
to ask for a Flintstones or a Spongebob
Squarepants Band-Aid. I do it all the
time.
- Laugh. Humans need humor. It's a
basic physical and psychological need.
Rent a Marx Brothers film or buy a season of
South Park or Strangers With Candy. Go to
a bookstore and buy a joke book and put it on
your toilet. Laughter makes life work, and
it's right up there with sex in helping us not
just get through a day but making it something
wonderful and worth doing.
- Incorporate a sacred element into your life.
Philosopher Gregory Bateson said that "The
experiment of living without god has failed. We
must believe in order to be." Allow yourself at
least an occasional contact with the sacred or
the sublime, however you experience or define
it. It may be a statue of Ganesh next to your
bed, a copy of a sacred text that you leaf
through on occasion, an annual pilgrimage to the
Grand Canyon, a simple puja devoted to phallic
worship, a monthly visit to a Buddhist shrine.
Sitting quietly in a sacred space puts a man at
ease and affords the opportunity to feel small,
dependent and awed. And even a moment's
meditation on the grandeur of the cosmos makes
for a richer and more meaningful existence. It's
only in love and worship that the burden of
isolation is relieved and healed.
|